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"We are great. We are free. We are wonderful. We are the most wonderful people in all the Jungle! We all say so, and so it must be true," they shouted. "Now, as you are a new listener and can carry our words back to the Jungle-People so that they may notice us in future, we will tell you all about our most excellent selves." Extract from Kaa's Hunting, The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
The Institute's propaganda machine has at last sprung back into life with a 'new' document entitled "The re-birth of a viable independent body for umpires and scorers". Like Mr. Stuart-King, it is over-large, loud, brash, full of hot air and fails to deliver. In total it runs to 19 printed pages and is largely a re-write of the previous drivel, which ordinarily is not worth responding to. However, it does clarify one or two points we have been making all along and attempts to lay a couple of smokescreens which need clearing away quickly.
As for the rest of this fairy story - its author would never have made it as a children's presenter!
Overview - the recent past …
The third paragraph starts "The ACU&S's recent sad history is well known and requires little further comment" . Well, they would say that, wouldn't they? - as Mandy Rice Davies might have said. They then go on to say that the Association's restructuring plans were 'borrowed' from them! It may have escaped the memory of Brandon, Bennett et al (they do have notoriously short memories) that until a few days ago they were the Association by dint of their membership of General Council (although men of honour would have gone 16 months ago).
The role of the ECB …
Yet another lie perpetuated by ICUS is the suggestion that ECB have no authority outside England and Wales. The reality is, of course, that ICC have empowered the Test playing nations to oversee cricket development within their sphere of influence. Now, John Carr, Hugh Morris and Frank Kemp might have wished this meant Tahiti or the Seychelles but the reality is they have to content themselves with continental Europe, the island of Ireland and Scotland.
Despite their claim to the contrary, an increase in support for ACU&S would have been the case if the liars at the helm had been prepared to open the books to inspection and prove its viability. But they didn't - and, incidentally, their replacements still haven't.
It is true to say that the Premier Leagues deal directly with ECB but virtually all organised club cricket is affiliated to its local County Board, which is itself answerable to … wait for it … the ECB!
The independence of umpires and scorers …
Do we detect a tentative feeler being put out to MCC? Are they to be Stuart-King's first-ever Joint Venture Partner?
"It is not at all surprising that the ECB declined to take part in a ballot on the Association's future. We have confirmation that they knew they would lose by a huge margin and didn't want the resultant bad publicity!" How did they find that out? The only possible proof would have been the ballot itself - and that never took place. It is worth pointing out that, despite the impressive list of would-be JVP's queuing up to take advantage of the Institute's phenomenal purchasing and marketing powers, the members of ICUS declined to contribute to the cost of the ballot.
They allege that umpires will have to pay an extra subscription this year to umpire the same matches as they umpired last year without having to pay one then. Read the ECB website: Frank Kemp goes to great lengths to point out that membership of ECB OA is not mandatory in 2006 (it doesn't even say it will be next year).
ICUS suggest that ECB, with all its commercial considerations, has interests incompatible with umpires. How? Read the rest of this drivel, which spends much time explaining how they will market themselves here, there and everywhere. How is this different - with the possible exception that ECB might just do it - and rather better?
The type of body needed for the 21st century …
"But funding donors and major sponsors are understandably unwilling to enter into agreements with unincorporated organisations." Weren't these the very people who kept telling us they had sponsors swarming all over the Association in early 2005 despite ACU&S being an unincorporated organisation?
The Advantages and Benefits of being an Institute …
How will the Institute be Governed …?
How will ICUS work?
We will be returning to these in a very few weeks!
ICUS and 'democracy' …
"… there is an assumption that the ACU&S itself is a 'democratic' organisation (it isn't) or that 'democracy' has worked well for it (it hasn't)" They don't need to tell us that! At the risk of repeating ourselves, on March 19th 2005 David Burden was elected Chairman in place of Stuart-King whereupon the latter's slavish acolytes and co-conspirators connived to make his job impossible - so much for democracy! Fortunately it won't happen in the Institute because, after the membership has agreed to set them up, there will not be any further elections - they told you so at the outset. You will be able to form your own 'ad hoc' local or national 'group' to meet the ICUS Board 'from time to time', just like car dealers. They left estate Agents off the list of their fellow travellers!
They are apparently going to be just like the AA so look forward to be saluted by your erstwhile colleague as you pass each other in some future alternative universe.
"… which element(s) or aspects(s) of ICUS's activities do you consider would actually be improved by being subject to votes taken at expensive meetings?" There you have it, out of their own mouths, "One man, one vote, once".
Who runs ICUS?
Forget the list of disgraced former ACU&S office holders - they are merely puppets. The answer is the Board of Community Cricket Holdings Ltd. including the shamed former Chairman Barrie Stuart-King (who, we were assured by Bastable, was not involved in any way). They tell you in "How will the Institute be Governed?" that CCHL holds a majority shareholding in ICUS and that gives them de facto control. We're sure Stuart-King could envisage a firm of Chartered Accountants who would accept his word that 51% in no way constitutes a majority but here in the real world …
The Structure of the Institute
"Independent validation by a recognised major university or qualifications assessment body …" Even in the modern pastiche-style of higher education it is doubtful whether they would find a university willing to take them - however it might be worth contacting Oxbridge and asking them …!
They are, apparently, going to work actively with Cricket Australia in R & D. Really? If ECB refuses to recognise them? The Aussies might enjoy tweaking the lions tail but they will surely draw a line at interfering in the internal workings of European cricket - not least because ECB might send Stuart-King out there!
Not so much Magpie, more Jackanory!
What happened next …?
We are told that ICUS offered to "assume and accept full responsibility for the Association's assets and mutually-agreed liabilities and contractual obligations" . Now, leaving aside the fact there are no assets because this shameless lot sold them off to fund their trip to fantasyland, their offer maybe irrelevant; no less a person than the President of ACU&S, a distinguished former Law Lord, gave it as his opinion that Stuart-King is personally liable for those debts, as may be some members of General Council. We do wonder why the new management of ACU&S has not tried to enforce these debts …
More importantly, since the Board of ICUS now say they accept no responsibility, they cannot any longer continue the charade that they are a 'fall-back position'. They are, by their own words, in direct opposition to ACU&S and therefore have no right to remain as members. The General Council should throw this disgraceful shower out without further delay! Come on, gentlemen, do your duty!
Anybody choosing to join ICUS should beware. In much the same way as Magpie was the 'poor man's Blue Peter', ICUS is the poor man's ACU&S!